Opening: Uncle Tim speaks: in progress
Our bunker recoiled like a stunned halibut. Had we entered a parallel universe where down is up, where day is night, where our Uncle Tim, a man so woke he makes Al Sharpton look like Bull Connor, a man who’d argued for years that it was impossible for black people to be racist; had thrown out right here in front of God and everybody he wanted to add not one, but two, names to the Woodshed Autonoumous Zone’s exalted Top Black Racists of the Year after we’d all agreed we were sick and tired and done with it after 2021?
Tim repeated, “I said, there are two more names I’d like to add…”
“Are you okay, Tim?”
“No, Tom. I’m not okay. Definitely not, okay. I haven’t slept through a night in months. I get up at all hours and watch Palestine being annihilated with American bombs and our American democracy being annihilated with it. Last night, two in the morning, I watched the most racist hour I’ve ever seen from academia. Two black, conservative, Ivy League professors wearing out the knee pads for Israel massacring Moaiad’s family and two million others. You know what sent me over the edge? They tried to play the race card.”
“Zionists always play the race card.” Jake pointed out. “Everyone who doesn’t support killing Palestinians is an anti-Semite.”
Uncle Tim shook his head. “They played the black card, Jake.”
“Shame!”
“Oh yes, stuff like, “…and not just because I’m black…” and that students against the genocide “… consider it a white thing…” and so on…”
Roy looked around the room, until his eye rested on the most liberal man we know, “Who are these guys, Tim?”
“Professors, like I said. Glenn Loury from Brown. John McWhorter from Columbia. Their podcast I watched is ‘The Glenn Show’.”
“What do they profess, the learned Glenn and John?”
“Loury teaches social science and economics. McWhorter’s a linguist.”
“Did the economics man mention how many hundreds of billions America has spent to prop up Israel?”
“Not a word.”
“Or how Netayahu bankrolled Hamas to get it started?”
“Nada.”
“This linguist, did he talk about the Israeli Defense Minister’s language when he said Israel would target children the next time Israel invaded Lebanon? Or Israel’s Chief Sepharidic Rabbi who called black people monkeys? Or the Israeli Army’s Chief Rabbi who told a soldier it was acceptable to rape non-Jewish women during war time?”
“No.”
“Did he talk about what Israeli politicians call Palestinians? Animals, Dogs, Drugged Cockroaches in a Bottle? That Israeli general who said Israel would have to ‘kill them all”? Or that Israeli politician who said Palestinian mothers should be killed so they couldn’t produce little snakes?”
“Ayelet Shaked-who the Israelis made Minister of Justice after she said that? Nah.”
“Whut’s a linguist, Gene?”
“Well Sonny, it can mean a lot of things. Or nothing.”
“Like someone whut learned to talk out his backside.”
“Something like that.”
“I want to see these guys.” Roy said.
Tony slammed his fist on the table. “So do I!” We’re closed Monday at the restaurant. Anyone wants to come by for breakfast we’ll pull out the idiot box and learn what we missed by not going to Brown or Columbia.”
To be continued….
